Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
