I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
