If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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