i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
