ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
