Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
