Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
