its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
