he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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