Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
