It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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