as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
