So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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