there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
