wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
