The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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