She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
