I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
