Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
