Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
