Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
