and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
