i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
