i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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