i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
