dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
