some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
