Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
