is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
