woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
