Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
