dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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