a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
