I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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