what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
