WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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