I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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