that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
