This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
