and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
