I cannot find my penis.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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