Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
