I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
