Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
