My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
