i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
