how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There r osticjed everywhere
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
