I CAN MOONWALK!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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