Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
