Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
vagina is talking i cant
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
