he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
