You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
