I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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