everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
