Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
