FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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