I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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